Charles W Jones, Author - Blog

At the Devil’s Door ( 2014 ) has been on my watch list for a while, and when I finally found it among the million channels I have from my TV services, I was excited to see it. Too bad, my expectations were set way too high. You’d think from the poster on its own that it was going to be creepy and scary; it’s a demonic possession movie after all. The opening sequence starts with an intense game of “find the button under cups” in a creepy trailer house. I loved the uneasy feelings and the freaky older woman who sat behind the man moving the cups. The smiley button with the X when Hannah makes her final pick felt like it was leading to something chilling. And the last step of her getting the $500 was strange, but not as bizarre as the man’s words, so ‘he’ knows who to take, added to the ambiance of a good thrill ride. Too, bad they jammed on the breaks. The acting even went downhill, especially by Catalina Sandino Moreno, who played Leigh. It was like she’d just learned the lines moments ...

The blurb on IMDb says this to describe The Curse of La Patasola (2022), On a weekend camping trip, two struggling couples are haunted by La Patasola, a famed vampiric monster from Amazonian folklore, testing their relationships, morality, and will to survive. I expected two things from this description: this movie was going to scare me good, and it’s set in the Amazon. It’s not in the Amazon, which is fine, I guess; just strange that a monster from there would travel to the US to go after the two couples. I’ll get to the fright factor in a second, but first, I want to talk about the couples therapy this group needed. Most of it was so petty and left me unimpressed since, yeah, well, you didn’t grow up with me. In the first hour, I was like, did I miss that this was a chick-flick? The final twenty-four minutes (at least three for the credits) had some meat. The monster wasn’t horrible, and the trippiness of it was fun. I did get some chills and surprises, so I can’t complain about th...

Oh my. Did they ever make some strange horror movies in the 1980s. I think Dreamaniac (1986) is one of the most bizarre of the decade. Most of the time, I kept thinking it was soft porn because of all the sex happening and not much more. The gore in this low-budget-direct-to-video film wasn’t horrible, but the acting was, and that is why it was amazing. Oh, and another thing, the storyline made no sense. I got lost from one sex scene to the next. What was the magic part was about? And let’s not forget the title, I figured it would be a little like Nightmare on Elm, but nope, so I don’t know where they got it. The ending made me yell, STUPID, then roll on the floor laughing. If you are looking for an exquisite example of horror nonsense, there is no need to look further. Dreamaniac is your film. Unfortunately, I can’t give it more than 2.5 out of 5 Stars. Dreamaniac (1986) #Slasher #Horror Click To Tweet

In Terror Train (1980), Jamie Lee Curtis plays Alana Maxwell, who is reluctant to go on the New Year’s Party with her college friends because of a prank that went wrong during pledge night. Well, she was right. She shouldn’t have gone. No one should have, including David Copperfield. This movie has been on my list to rewatch for a while, and it finally showed up on one of the thousand channels that I have. I remembered very little about Terror Train as I started watching it again, and it was pretty obvious to me who was doing the killing and why. That’s not to say that I wasn’t thoroughly entertained with it because I was. There were moments when I wasn’t sure my suspicion was correct, but in the end, Alana realized who it was, making me right. Terror Train is a fun slasher but didn’t really bring the oompf of others JLC was in, so I only gave it 2.5 out of 5 Stars. Terror Train (1980) #Horror #Classic #Slasher Click To Tweet

I haven’t seen The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988) since it first came out on VHS. Well, saying that I’ve seen it in its entirety is a stretch since I fell asleep watching it the first time. In my defense, I’d gone to college all day, then did a shift at work, so I was pretty tired. Well, the second attempt at viewing this film didn’t go much better, but at least I didn’t fall asleep, I guess. This film had a hard time holding my interest, so I’m not surprised I fell asleep the first time. While it did have some good parts, though they were few and far between, there just wasn’t enough to keep me. My mind wandered, I checked Facebook a few times, and I stalked the pantry. The visions were incredible, but that wasn’t enough because the story wasn’t anything special, and I didn’t connect with any of the characters as I expected, at least a little bit. I’m not sure if I should pat myself on the back for staying with it until the end. The Serpent and the Rainbow was disappointing, and I gav...

For some reason, I never saw Queen of the Damned (2002) until recently. I remember all the drama around it, including Aaliyah’s death, and I think that’s why I never bothered. Based on the title, I thought it would be more about Akasha than it was, and I kept looking at the female cast, thinking, that’s not Aaliyah. When she finally did appear, I was bored, as the role didn’t make sense to me. But that’s not the only thing that didn’t make sense. This film was more about Lestat, how he became a vampire, and Jesse Reeves than the Queen of the Damned. Then there comes the thing that always bugs me about vampires; they are all sexy. Seriously, there isn’t a gross one in the bunch? Or one who doesn’t have a ripped body? But that doesn’t have anything to do with this film, or does it? Anyway, the gore scenes are good. I’m not complaining about that at all. I wasn’t scared in the least bit, ever, not even any jump scenes. One of the things that made me scratch my head was that Lestat co...

As Above, So Below ( 2014 ) is a found footage film, at least it’s not in the woods, so that’s a start. Per usual to this type of movie, it started exciting then went bland, but at least the acting isn’t horrible. Ben Feldman from Cloverfield (2008) and the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th is the only actor I recognize. So if The Da Vinci Code (2003) and The Blair Witch Project (1999) had a baby As Above, So Below would be that bundle of joy, but the only thing that’s missing is Ratt’s song Round and Round, because they keep going in circles. Being loosely based on the Seven Layers of Hell is an understatement. While they do touch on those points, they are very watered-down. Around the forty-minute mark, this movie steps into the bizarro realm, and those experiences continue. I just wish they would’ve given the good stuff more than thirty minutes; forty-five would’ve been the sweet spot to take this film over the top. As Above, So Below is just another bleh to add to the pile, and I give...

I don’t remember ever hearing about Lost Souls ( 2000 ) until someone mentioned it on Twitter, so I put it on my find list. I thought it might have a chance since it quoted Deuteronomy Book 17 after the opening credits, and it has Winona Ryder and John Hurt, so I figured there’d be a chance that it’d be good; unfortunately, it was quite lackluster. I’m not saying everything was bland in Lost Souls, it did have a few good bits here and there but not enough keeping it together, and was beyond predictable. One thing that I kept fixating on was the Insane Asylum. I’ve never been in one, so maybe it’s a thing, but do they put all the crazies in a great room and allow them to wander about? This isn’t the only movie where I’ve seen this depicted; it’s just a general question because I don’t have much more to say about this film. As I reached the end, I thought that it was going to be like those where they keep the goodies until the end. Nope, it was just as oh hum as the rest of the movie. Ju...

Never heard of Robot Holocaust ( 1986 ), don’t worry, I hadn’t either until recently when I started searching for something different. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Tim Kincaid always produces some of the strangest movies, and this one is pretty special and different, though not unpredictable. I love how movies set in the post-apocalyptic world dress people like cavemen or Conan the Barbarian stylings. Aren’t there enough things to wear in warehouses or shopping malls? Some of the costuming is interesting like it was rejected stuff from other movies (Torque is a good example). Even the cave worms remind me of something I’ve seen someplace else. That’s not to say that the quality isn’t good, even the wanna be C-3PO is fun. Robot Holocaust is only seventy-nine minutes long, which is more than enough time to provide us with some of the best…worst…hmmm…acting from the bottom of the barrel of performers. At least, it’s good for a few laughs along the journey to the Power Station. Though, with...

Underwater (2020), you guessed it, takes place underwater in a drilling facility. While this is at the bottom of the ocean, I couldn’t help but think at times that I was watching an Alien remake with Kristen Stewart instead of Sigourney Weaver. I empathized with the trepidation the characters felt of getting out of the falling apart facility, but after a while, I was like, OK, what are they going to do to them next. The best parts were when the creatures were attacking them. Otherwise, there wasn’t much to the story besides survival. I didn’t feel a connection to the characters like I do in other films of this type (like Alien), and when it came to a close, I wasn’t sure how I felt about what I saw. So as I do when this happens, I ponder the film for a few days before writing anything about it. Unfortunately, I still have no opinion on Underwater. It’s not the worst and definitely not the best I’ve seen. I gave Underwater 2.5 out of 5 Stars. Underwater (2020) #HorrorMovie Review Click ...

Audrey Rose ( 1977 ) was adapted from the book of the same name by Frank De Felitta. Having not read the book, I don’t know if it’s as strange as this film. The idea of reincarnation is fascinating, but how this was depicted didn’t exactly work for me. This chilling tale explains how Elliot Hoover figured out that Ivy Templeton has the soul of his dead daughter. What I don’t understand is why so many years passed before Ivy began to show signs of her condition. The story is similar to demonic possession and acted that way in many parts with Ivy becoming more and more integrated with this other soul, well technically the same soul. There’s so much that didn’t make sense, maybe, if I’d read the book, it’d make more sense, but I doubt it. When the movie moves focus to Elliot’s trial, the tone changes, I was relieved that it didn’t last long because it was very boring. I’m not a believer in the outcome of events. Why, exactly, would Ivy have died? It just didn’t make sense. Parts of the en...

The 80s brought about many strange things, and Spellbinder ( 1988 ) seems to highlight many of them in under ninety minutes. I saw this in college on VHS, but I didn’t recall it being so slow to get anywhere, like so many movies today that fight to get to the point. Spellbinder is the first time I saw Tim Daly in anything. I think back in the day that I thought he was great and not awful to look at. Now, as I see this movie again after over three decades, and knowing a few of his other roles, I shake my head because he’s the same in everything, even Wings. The romantic parts were steamy, almost like it was made for Skin-a-max. At times the suspense was terrific, but for the most part, I wasn’t impressed. I think the best scene was when the man was burned for his betrayal. Spellbinder isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen from the 80s, but pretty close, at the least the final sequences were entertaining. I should mention that twist made watching the entire movie worth it. Oh, one more thing. ...

If Tower of Evil ( 1972 ) was intended to be an exploitation film, it didn’t really meet what my expectations of them are. They did start it out with creepiness with the over-filled fog on the soundstage as the two men go to the island to find the kids that went out there. Besides the opening craziness and a few flashback scenes from Penny, who is an amazing screamer, by the way, the thrills and mystery are mediocre at best. At times, I found my mind wandering, which I think caused me to miss some of the bland explanations. When they threw in a second Penny’s flashback, I was hopeful and excited with what I hoped was to come; too bad it took forever and was anticlimactic. In addition to the flashbacks and the screams, I loved the family photo, seriously, that is amazing (see the hero image). The creepy laugh from the killer/maniac reminded me of a few Scooby Doo villains, but at least it made me feel something. The gore was good, but could’ve been more than what was given. And then, th...

Thirteen Ghosts ( 2001 ) is a remake. Though I don’t think I’ve seen the original, so we’ll pretend this time that it’s not a remake (wink, wink); just kidding, it’s on the list to watch, but I haven’t found it yet. The title is not so cleverly stylized as THIR13EN Ghosts. I find it strange since ‘1’ doesn’t resemble ‘T’ at all. The acting in the opening scene is quite awful, and I wondered if it was on purpose to attempt to mimic a B-Movie. Either I became used to it, or it became better as the movie played out, I don’t know, but there seemed to be an obvious change from the first two scenes to the rest of the movie. The set is cool, with Steampunk-like gadgets controlling the house. I was very relieved that the toilet was clear glass like the rest of the house; that could’ve been awkward. When the ghosts were shown, I enjoyed the make-up effects, though some reminded me of things I’d see in Hellraiser. I became very annoyed when Kathy (Shannon Elizabeth) played with her hair while sh...

C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989) is a rough sequel, though there’s no indication that the C.H.U.D. in this one ever lived underground. So, I wonder, is he really a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller? It’s definitely not the same beast either. This is totally a zombie, changing the city into more with a bite. It annoys me more than a little that they changed them because the creatures from the first were amazing. There’s a lot more cheese in this chapter, too, with the teenage hijinx, but that actually made the movie better. Sadly, there just isn’t much to this movie otherwise. The madcap chase to find Bud has its moments but got a little old and could’ve been wrapped up sooner. When it finally ends, it is left open for another sequel that I’m thankful never happened. I just couldn’t take more than that. I can only give C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. 2.5 out of 5 Stars. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989) #80sFlashback Click To Tweet

What’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys? Vampire Circus ( 1972 ). This one opens with the oiled down muscle dude hitting the giant gong, announcing ‘The Rank Organisation presents a Hammer Production,’ so you know it’s gonna be good. Well, you’d think. Vampire Circus is just strange for me and is longer than it needed to be. The vampire action and film trickery are exceptional as are the gore effects and blook, which is not the standard can of red paint that was popular in the 1970s. Even the acting is good. And the cast includes David Prowse as the strongman. The story revolves around a village with a vampire problem that they think is resolved after they stake Count Mitterhaus. Fifteen years later the town has a disease that is killing people off. Some think it is the count’s curse, but the doctor is more rational and disagrees. That’s when the circus comes to town with nefarious plans; somehow getting through the barricade to keep people from getting in or out of the town. There’s ...

I’ve had a quest for many years to find the movie with the fictional band The Puce Clits, and now that quest has come to an end because it’s in House II: The Second Story (1987). Honestly, that’s all I remembered from this movie. With the serious theme of the Viet Nam War in the background of House, it is completely gone with House II. There’s nothing really serious about this one. You’d think that The Second Story would refer to an actual second story of a house, and they’d have used the same place from the first, but they didn’t. That’s OK. This one reminds me of Castle Marne. The costumes, makeup, and effects are the best part of this film, including the creatures, just like House. There was a complete disconnect for me with the time travel and a glowing skull. Oh, and let’s not forget the dinosaurs and Cowboys and Indians. This is probably why I’d blocked ever seeing House II from my mind and why, thirty-four years later, I couldn’t stay connected with it; at least I found the Puce...

The Final ( 2010 ) is about a group of misfit teenagers who seek revenge on their abusers. We all know teenagers can be horrible creatures, turning into some nasty adults, but not all of them. Sometimes when I see a film like this, I get flashbacks to good ole high school days, and I’m thankful that I never got caught with some of my revenge actions. The biggest problem that I had with The Final, well besides the name, was that they spent way too much time on the bullies and their actions. I get it; they were trying to paint the scene and make me want to hate them as much as the victims. Another thing I wasn’t impressed with was the use of guns. There was no need for them; enough other stuff was going on, including having the kids chained that guns were excessive and lazy. I liked the costumes the “victims” wore at the party, then changed into different masks once the bullies were in custody. That was probably the best part, well besides the gore. The theme for 2010 horror movies must ...

Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf ( 1985 ) sort of starts where The Howling (1981) ends with Karen White dying after she’d transformed into a werewolf. After the flashback scenes end that’s all forgotten. I find it interesting that this is based on Gary Brander’s novel The Howling II when nothing like this happened in the book. The first was like that too, so I guess it’s OK. There are so many things that I don’t understand about this movie, like why Mariana didn’t change completely and why the effects/costuming wasn’t as good as the first. Or why Christopher Lee was in this; he must have needed the money. I know he’s a B-movie star, but this is barely that. Then there’s Sybil Danning. Really? Are you a dominatrix, witch, or werewolf? At least they brought the good ole cheese. The best part of the movie (besides when it ended) was the track Howling by Stephen Parsons that is played throughout the movie…well, snippets of it; that’d be weird if it was stuck on repeat. Another cool th...

The idea of Beyond the Gates ( 2016 ), a Jumanji style horror movie, on the surface appears great, but as the movie crept along, I was disappointed. Not everything was bland, though. Like the opening credits music with its 80s flair or the few gore effects. Both of those were good. Oh, and the acting was decent. I’m not going to reduce my expectations of horror even for Beyond the Gates. The first twenty minutes were filled with character introductions and the only special happening is a picture falling from the mantel. Brothers, Gordon and John, are estranged for some reason; there’s no real explanation to their separation besides that they are complete opposites. Gordon has returned to town to pack up their missing father’s store and house. With forty-seven minutes remaining, nothing astounding has occurred besides a few strange noises and a shadowy figure appearing outside and in the house. Even when they first start playing the game, it’s not as creepy as it could be; there’s so mu...